Ubuntu 12.04 Gaming

It comes down to money.  Ubuntu 12.04 does not support my aging ATI x1550 any more than Ubuntu 10.04 or 9.10 did.  So even though I have a Pixel Shader Model 3.0 card I can't use it to play Skyrim on Ubuntu or any derivatives.  Now you might say "Why not just use the older Ubuntu?" mainly it's because it's not supported or updated any more. Now that 12.04 is out 10.04 is not supported and that had 2 years of support on it.  The primary reason why the old Ubuntu works with the fglrx for my card is because both are out dated software.  The biggest issue I'm having is that it works perfectly fine in windows (any version), but just won't run on Ubuntu because of the stupid unsupported driver issue.  So now I've got to put more and more money away (not that I have any) just to get a supported card in order to not have to buy the next version of windows.  Well if you want to chip in for me to get a new video card, I put a new widget on the right .

Gaming with Ubuntu 12.04

That's right I installed ubuntu 12.04rc on my gaming machine. Why? because I needed something to do.  The job scene here is no good, I lost my subsidized housing forms, and I'm super bored!  Now then... where was I?  Oh yeah setting  up ubuntu to work with steam.  It works out of the box, and so did skyrim.     I got greedy though and wanted to eke out some better performance and stop the mouse from jumping around in skyrim, so I tried to install fglrx.  This was a very bad idea.  Now steam won't load, ubuntu internals keep crashing, and I've got to start over from scratch, making sure to upgrade immediately after install.  oh well, back to the grinder....

Heard it on the pipeline

It seems that an offer has been made on my house and he wants to keep me as a tennant.  This is good news, but I'm still worrying about the future.  I desperately need a job now, I'm not sure I can continue to pay my bills on what I have.  I've been trying all sorts of places to get a job, but I'm running up against the same walls: no recent experience, and no post-secondary education.  Maybe I'm just getting wrapped up in my own head here, but it seems right now that I will never get another job.

Swallowed my Shame

Turns out that teh landlord, my sister, was actually quite cool about me breaking the door.  She's not happy about it cause I wasted $30 on a new one, but it wasn't the grudge match I thought it'd be.  My dad pitched in too and we all made a huge effort to get my place ready for showings cause starting Monday this house is on the market.

Doors

I feel so bad right now because of this stupid door I broke. I didnt want any one else to know about it because it hurts so bad, and instead of being able to tell my landlord when I wanted to, in private on my own after they got back from there vacation, my room mate tells them for me using a text message or something. And so before I've told my sister about the door my parents are asking me about it. Talk about heart wrenching. This is killing me! I feel so bad about it, and my sister is just telling every body, and joking about it. Laughing at me when I'm struggling. I feel so bad about breaking the door that I am nauseous!

I don't know if I can face my landlord tomorrow afternoon. I can't really take any more of this type of stress. I dont know how to solve this problem. I'm such a wreck right now that I just want to sleep the night and as soon as day comes I am leaving, just getting out of here cause I just can't face them poking fun at me. Rubbing it in my face that they know how to deal with frustration and anger. I hate this. I really don't want to be here tomorrow. I just know they are going to be all snobby about it and just make me feel worse and there's just no way for me to tell my little sister how bad I feel that I can't even deal with a stupid little door won't stay still.

I really can't do it, cause I get this huge lump in my throat and I feel so sick and hurt. I just can't seem to get any words out theres so much shame and sadness. I see the path of destruction I've left after I've lost my temper and I just want to curl up or puke or run away or something. Any thing to get away from this reminder that I can't keep it together. I'm not sure any of you have any idea what I am talking about here. I'm pretty sure that you are all able to keep a cool head and not break whatever is closest to you when you are angry. Rage is probably not a problem in your life. Which probably made this whole thing seem funny to you. Well next time you get into a frustrating situation, but some how manage to hold onto your sanity and work through it just remember that there are people like me who honestly don't have any coping skills at all and just fall to pieces.

The most frustrating thing in my world is just anything in the way. Plastic bag on the floor? Frustrating. Bathroom door insists on being not Quite all the way open and so I run right into it as I leave my room. Frustrating. It doing that 3 times in a row after I've closed it every single time I ran into it but someone else has been in there since so I dont see or think that it's in the way so I fill my hands with dishes and walk out of my room right into the edge of the bathroom door causing me to drop the dishes. Extremely frustrating. So already frustrated I close the door too far and put a hole in it. Now I feel sick to my stomach because that door was just replaced and the only problem I ever had with it is the same problem I have with any door (it gets in the way).

It's happened again

Once more I've let my impulsiveness loose me a lot of money.  I've had 3 NSF fees this month that I never should have had to begin with.  The whole problem is the number of times I went to a restaurant this month.  Thought I could afford it I did, but really I couldn't.  So now I've got to find $120 somewhere before I can use my bank again.  Actually that's not completely true, if you can remember way back I had switched banks, and well I told every place that was taking money out of my bank account, but no one asked for the info, they just said, "Oh that's nice, thanks for calling bye bye" and hung up, wellllllllll they cost me about $150 in NSF etc. so I gotta find that too.  Also I'm down to 2 steaks, 4 sausages, 1/2 a head of lettuce, 1 head of broccoli, 1 bunch of green onions, a handful of cabbage, and condiments in the fridge.  How I'm supposed to stretch enough meat for a week until the end of the month I'll never know cause I'm out of peanuts, and I only have one tin of tuna in the cupboard.  It's probably time to go back to community care.

Help a body out?