Doors

I feel so bad right now because of this stupid door I broke. I didnt want any one else to know about it because it hurts so bad, and instead of being able to tell my landlord when I wanted to, in private on my own after they got back from there vacation, my room mate tells them for me using a text message or something. And so before I've told my sister about the door my parents are asking me about it. Talk about heart wrenching. This is killing me! I feel so bad about it, and my sister is just telling every body, and joking about it. Laughing at me when I'm struggling. I feel so bad about breaking the door that I am nauseous!

I don't know if I can face my landlord tomorrow afternoon. I can't really take any more of this type of stress. I dont know how to solve this problem. I'm such a wreck right now that I just want to sleep the night and as soon as day comes I am leaving, just getting out of here cause I just can't face them poking fun at me. Rubbing it in my face that they know how to deal with frustration and anger. I hate this. I really don't want to be here tomorrow. I just know they are going to be all snobby about it and just make me feel worse and there's just no way for me to tell my little sister how bad I feel that I can't even deal with a stupid little door won't stay still.

I really can't do it, cause I get this huge lump in my throat and I feel so sick and hurt. I just can't seem to get any words out theres so much shame and sadness. I see the path of destruction I've left after I've lost my temper and I just want to curl up or puke or run away or something. Any thing to get away from this reminder that I can't keep it together. I'm not sure any of you have any idea what I am talking about here. I'm pretty sure that you are all able to keep a cool head and not break whatever is closest to you when you are angry. Rage is probably not a problem in your life. Which probably made this whole thing seem funny to you. Well next time you get into a frustrating situation, but some how manage to hold onto your sanity and work through it just remember that there are people like me who honestly don't have any coping skills at all and just fall to pieces.

The most frustrating thing in my world is just anything in the way. Plastic bag on the floor? Frustrating. Bathroom door insists on being not Quite all the way open and so I run right into it as I leave my room. Frustrating. It doing that 3 times in a row after I've closed it every single time I ran into it but someone else has been in there since so I dont see or think that it's in the way so I fill my hands with dishes and walk out of my room right into the edge of the bathroom door causing me to drop the dishes. Extremely frustrating. So already frustrated I close the door too far and put a hole in it. Now I feel sick to my stomach because that door was just replaced and the only problem I ever had with it is the same problem I have with any door (it gets in the way).