A funeral for family

I have just come back from Grimsby, and a funeral for my Mom's cousin Annette.  Now many people say that a funeral is for that person, but I say we should change this idiom.  This funeral was not FOR Annette, but rather for us, her friends and family.  Those of us that knew her, and those of us (much like me) who only knew of her.  Uncle Dirk said it best when he said "I always compared her life from before the tragedy to that of after the tragedy.  I shouldn't have done that....  I should have looked at what she was offering from both before and after.  She was offering me the same thing she always has.....HERSELF."  And now that I look at her life I too can see the truth in this statement.  It's not as if her personality changed, even though she had "diminished capacity" after that fateful day in November.  She was still Tante Annette.  She still laughed when she was happy, and cried when she was sad.  She still knew who people were and when they were leaving.  She was there, even if it didn't always look like she was.

At first I thought of the times I've had in the past two dozen years when I could have gone to see her, I could have tried to explain that the man in front of her is that same little blond boy she once knew.  During those times I said "She would never remember me." and "I think it would be too hard on her".  When really I was saying "I don't remember her any other way" and "I know it will be too hard on me." I wish that I could have voiced these things in person, and at the funeral today.  My voice failed, my will drained and I sat silent, pondering.  Thinking of myself, while listening to others speak of Tante Annette.

I may not have had a good relationship with her.  I may not have been as close, but in my way I still loved her.  Even now I feel that she was taken away some 23 years ago, and that this funeral is only a semicolon of life.  I know now that she believed, and believed strongly in Jesus as her saviour, just as I believe.  I know now that not only was she loved and taken care of, but I too am loved and will be cared for, by my family and by God.  From this day I hope to have a better relationship with those around me, and to care for them as well.  And so I sign off today as I have many times in the past, warning to keep a cool head:

Keep frosty,
Chris